I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.