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    I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

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  23  /  40  

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

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  44  /  25  

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  37  /  55  

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

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  13  /  17  

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

by Pj O'rourke Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  16  /  21  

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

by Rita Rudner Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  8  /  9  

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

by Delmore Schwartz Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  40  /  43  

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

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  36  /  37  

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

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  6  /  12  

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

by Dan Quisenberry Found in: Funny Quotes,
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