The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.