If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.