The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.