Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.