I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?