The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.