The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.