As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.