I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans