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  •   17  /  22  

    When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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  15  /  18  

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

by Oscar Wilde Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  12  /  14  

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  48  /  20  

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  13  /  17  

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

by Pj O'rourke Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  44  /  25  

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  7  /  12  

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

by W. C. Fields Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  24  /  23  

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

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  44  /  21  

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

by Sam Levenson Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  27  /  22  

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

by Thomas A. Edison Found in: Funny Quotes,
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