I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.