There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure