If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect produced in you by the first sight read more

If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect produced in you by the first sight of a letter from him.

And it's my opinion, and that's only my opinion, you are a lunatic. Just because there are a few hundred read more

And it's my opinion, and that's only my opinion, you are a lunatic. Just because there are a few hundred other people sharing your lunacy with you does not make you any saner. Doomed, eh?

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

O, hark! what mean those yells and cries?
His chain some furious madman breaks;
He comes--I see read more

O, hark! what mean those yells and cries?
His chain some furious madman breaks;
He comes--I see his glaring eyes:
Now, now, my dungeon grate he shakes.
Help! Help! He's gone!--O fearful woe,
Such screams to hear, such sights to see!
My brain, my brain,--I know, I know
I am not mad but soon shall be.

For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change read more

For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once thought right but found to be otherwise.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.