What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.