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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  44  /  21  

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

by Sam Levenson Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

by John Wilmot Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  28  /  52  

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

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The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

by Diana Vreeland Found in: Funny Quotes,
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After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

by William S. Burroughs Found in: Funny Quotes,
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There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

by Andrew Jackson Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  37  /  55  

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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