You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure