A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back