You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.