Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.