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  •   18  /  18  

    Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

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  27  /  18  

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

by Jack Handey Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  20  /  23  

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

by Ethel Barrymore Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  11  /  19  

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

by Charlie Sheen Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  33  /  31  

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

by W. C. Fields Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  9  /  20  

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

by Milton Berle Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  16  /  22  

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  12  /  16  

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  23  /  25  

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

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  20  /  30  

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

by Paris Hilton Found in: Dumb Quotes, Funny Quotes,
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