After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.