I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.