Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.