There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?