I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be read more

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.