It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. The quotations, when engraved upon the read more

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British read more

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence.
It turns out he only took up residence in 95.

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. read more

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders. - Oscar Firkins: Memoirs and Letters.

He that tries to recommend (Shakespeare) by select quotations, will succeed like the pedant in "Hierocles", who, when he offered read more

He that tries to recommend (Shakespeare) by select quotations, will succeed like the pedant in "Hierocles", who, when he offered his house to sale, carried a brick in his pocket as a specimen

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely-read man never quotes accurately, for the rather read more

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely-read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter read more

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, read more

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.