Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest read more

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I put my career in second place throughout both my marriages and it suffered. I don't regret it. You make read more

I put my career in second place throughout both my marriages and it suffered. I don't regret it. You make choices. If you want a good marriage, you must pay attention to that. If you want to be independent, go ahead. You can't have it all.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
extracted.