Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having read more

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.

I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the
constancy of its vows are the very people read more

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the
constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the
chain were broken and the prisoners were left free to choose, the
whole social fabric would fly asunder. You can't have the
argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in?
If he is not, why pretend that he is?

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest read more

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.