Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that read more

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like read more

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing read more

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing else to recommend her but a pair of thighs and choice hunkers, and so smart to void their seed that they marry her at once. They imagine they can live in marvelous contentment with handsome feet and ambrosial buttocks. Most men are accredited fools shortly after they leave the womb.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father.

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!