Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

It seems as though women keep growing. Eventually they can have little or nothing in common with the men they read more

It seems as though women keep growing. Eventually they can have little or nothing in common with the men they chose long ago.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Roots is not just a saga of my family. It is the symbolic saga of a people.

Roots is not just a saga of my family. It is the symbolic saga of a people.

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice read more

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.

A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete read more

A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.

Every theory of love, from Plato down teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in read more

Every theory of love, from Plato down teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in himself.