I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice read more

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame read more

Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame for anything.

The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask read more

The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home -- will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because then he becomes one of the children.

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his read more

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his funny bone.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

The family is the school of duties... founded on love.

The family is the school of duties... founded on love.