All women are misfits. We do not fit into this world without amputations. -Marge Piercy.

All women are misfits. We do not fit into this world without amputations. -Marge Piercy.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

Why is it that men can be bastards and women must wear pearls and smile?

Why is it that men can be bastards and women must wear pearls and smile?

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, read more

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.