I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother.

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.