An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the read more

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the read more

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure read more

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin read more

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual

Another fresh new year is here . . .Another year to live!To banish worry, doubt, and fear,To love and laugh read more

Another fresh new year is here . . .Another year to live!To banish worry, doubt, and fear,To love and laugh and give!This bright new year is given meTo live each day with zest . . .To daily grow and try to beMy highest and my best!I have the opportunityOnce more to right some wrongs,To pray for peace, to plant a tree,And sing more joyful songs!

Each age has deemed the new-born year
The fittest time for festal cheer.

Each age has deemed the new-born year
The fittest time for festal cheer.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when read more

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless read more

New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my read more

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.