Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I
twice failed rather disgracefully.

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I
twice failed rather disgracefully.

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

Heaven will be no heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there.

Heaven will be no heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there.

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself.

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself.

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he read more

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.