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    To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

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  21  /  29  

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

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  30  /  28  

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.

by Anonymous Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  16  /  32  

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you read more

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  12  /  26  

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the read more

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

by Henry Ward Beecher Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  14  /  20  

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to read more

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  19  /  21  

He who laughs, lasts.

He who laughs, lasts.

by John Powell Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  16  /  29  

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I read more

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  17  /  30  

I've always been very zealous about not invading other people's private spaces.

I've always been very zealous about not invading other people's private spaces.

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  14  /  20  

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the read more

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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