One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law.
The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.
The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on read more
Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me read more
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A rich man's joke is always funny.
A rich man's joke is always funny.
