If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
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I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one read more
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
Humore is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
Humore is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.
I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that read more
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. - Inward Ho.
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it read more
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I read more
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
