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    Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

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  25  /  27  

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

by Jay Leno Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  32  /  40  

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  21  /  24  

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

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  11  /  23  

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

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  23  /  29  

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

by Fredrich Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  23  /  12  

I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

by James Gibbons Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  30  /  28  

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.

by Anonymous Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  26  /  20  

Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson
.. do you think I am Oscar material?
Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe
NBC Tonight read more

Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson
.. do you think I am Oscar material?
Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe
NBC Tonight Show writers
http://www.mad-cow.org.

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  30  /  37  

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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