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    Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

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  24  /  19  

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

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  25  /  20  

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, read more

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  16  /  19  

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

by Unknown Author Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  32  /  16  

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

by Clive James Found in: Humor Quotes, Laughter Quotes,
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  19  /  34  

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping read more

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

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  10  /  23  

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

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  19  /  18  

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

by Dave Barry Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  19  /  6  

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

by Mark Twain Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  30  /  37  

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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