Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one read more

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

For seventeen hundred years the Christian sect has done nothing but harm

For seventeen hundred years the Christian sect has done nothing but harm

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping read more

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

Religion is not a department of life; it is something that enters into the whole of it.

Religion is not a department of life; it is something that enters into the whole of it.

Jesters do oft prove prophets

Jesters do oft prove prophets

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw read more

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.

Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.