Drinking will make a man quaff,
Quaffing will make a man sing,
Singing will make a man read more

Drinking will make a man quaff,
Quaffing will make a man sing,
Singing will make a man laugh,
And laughing long life doth bring,
Says old Simon the King.
- Unattributed Author, Old Sir Simon the King,

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Call things by their right names - Glass of brandy and water! That is the current, but not the appropriate read more

Call things by their right names - Glass of brandy and water! That is the current, but not the appropriate name; ask for a glass of liquid fire and distilled damnation.

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no
occasion.

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no
occasion.

If you are invited to drink at any man's house more than you
think is wholesome, you may say read more

If you are invited to drink at any man's house more than you
think is wholesome, you may say "you wish you could, but so
little makes you both drunk and sick; that you should only be bad
company by doing so."

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.