I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like read more

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

Woman was God's second mistake.

Woman was God's second mistake.

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

Diamonds never leave you... men do!

Diamonds never leave you... men do!