Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.

Woman submits to her fate; man makes his.

Woman submits to her fate; man makes his.

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the read more

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Man is not the enemy here, but the fellow victim.

Man is not the enemy here, but the fellow victim.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.