Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that read more

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Love is a game in which one always cheats.

Love is a game in which one always cheats.

That is why, all the girls in town / Follow you / All around / Just like me / They read more

That is why, all the girls in town / Follow you / All around / Just like me / They long to be / Close to you / On the day that you were born the angels got together / And decided to create a dream come true / So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes of blue...

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it.

A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he read more

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.