I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's read more

I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failures.

Competitions are for horse, not artist.

Competitions are for horse, not artist.

We were the quintessence of athletic atrocity.
(after a game his team lost to the New York Nets)

We were the quintessence of athletic atrocity.
(after a game his team lost to the New York Nets)

Raise the urinals.
(on how management could keep the Braves on their toes)

Raise the urinals.
(on how management could keep the Braves on their toes)

I went through baseball as "a player to be named later.".

I went through baseball as "a player to be named later.".

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids read more

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
(on being a role model)

The only competition worthy a wise man is with himself.

The only competition worthy a wise man is with himself.

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to read more

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to vote)