I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night, "There must be thousands of girls sitting alone read more

I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night, "There must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest.

Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me read more

Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.

Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense.

Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense.

Many men in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

Many men in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.

Big girls need big diamonds.

Big girls need big diamonds.

I never cared for fashion much, amusing little seams and witty little pleats: it was the girls I liked.

I never cared for fashion much, amusing little seams and witty little pleats: it was the girls I liked.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty read more

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.