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The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the read more
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything read more
Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Wit is cultured insolence.
Wit is cultured insolence.
