A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

There is always a chance that he who sets himself up as his brother's keeper will end up by being read more

There is always a chance that he who sets himself up as his brother's keeper will end up by being his jail-keeper.

The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask read more

The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home -- will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because then he becomes one of the children.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the mother.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.