Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and read more

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are.".

Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.

Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Man forgives women anything save the wit to outwit him.

Man forgives women anything save the wit to outwit him.

The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology.

The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology.

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that read more

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.