Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, read more

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been read more

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged.

Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world.

Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world.

'Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me? I'm home every evening.... Come up. I'll tell your fortune.... Ah, read more

'Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me? I'm home every evening.... Come up. I'll tell your fortune.... Ah, you can be had.'

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

It's the movies that have really been running things in America ever since they were invented. They show you what read more

It's the movies that have really been running things in America ever since they were invented. They show you what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how to feel about it, and how to look how you feel about it.

If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the read more

If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the time, then both are useless.

That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways

That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways

Sometimes in movies, I still have to be the hero, but it's not all that important to me anymore.

Sometimes in movies, I still have to be the hero, but it's not all that important to me anymore.