I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you read more

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Love is like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent it from coming back.

Love is like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent it from coming back.

I am a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see.

I am a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, read more

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what read more

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.