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    Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

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Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it read more

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

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I feel an autumnal Saturday, no matter how beautiful, is wasted if it doesn't find me sitting in on a read more

I feel an autumnal Saturday, no matter how beautiful, is wasted if it doesn't find me sitting in on a football game.

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When we have adversity we oftentimes tend to look around and think that we're the Lone Ranger. We tend to read more

When we have adversity we oftentimes tend to look around and think that we're the Lone Ranger. We tend to believe that we're the only one who has problems. And we always look around and see others who are more talented, taller, smarter, handsomer, or faster. I can assure you, everyone has problems—even football coaches. The ability we have to handle this adversity will determine the degree of success that we will have in life.

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Coming out of BYU's football spring, 1999, practice: We might have a chance to be pretty good.

Coming out of BYU's football spring, 1999, practice: We might have a chance to be pretty good.

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If you are worshipping false gods—such as football, baseball, gold, tennis, or money or technology or automobiles or houses or read more

If you are worshipping false gods—such as football, baseball, gold, tennis, or money or technology or automobiles or houses or gold or silver—and you can tell what a man worships by what he does on Sunday—repent and start worshipping the true and living God, the maker of heaven and earth and all things that in them are.

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I'm old, old enough to play baseball or football. I'm not eight yet. My Mom told me when you start read more

I'm old, old enough to play baseball or football. I'm not eight yet. My Mom told me when you start baseball, you aren't going to be able to run that fast because you had an operation. I told Mom I wouldn't need to run fast. When I play baseball, I'll just hit them out of the park. Then I'll be able to walk.

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Current condition of the BYU football program? I think it's in good shape. We've got some good young players. We've read more

Current condition of the BYU football program? I think it's in good shape. We've got some good young players. We've had two or three pretty good recruiting years. We lost some players, obviously, that hurt us, but you always have turnover in college through attrition (graduation, transfers). That's the nature of the game.

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Being in politics is like coaching football. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough read more

Being in politics is like coaching football. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.

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Martha was watching the football game with me when she said, 'You know, most of these sports are based on read more

Martha was watching the football game with me when she said, 'You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.' 'Yeah,' I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

by Jack Handey Found in: Sports:football Quotes,
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