Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.

WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.

Is anything besides the mind ever boggled?

Is anything besides the mind ever boggled?

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.

In the end, everything is a gag.

In the end, everything is a gag.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live read more

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a read more

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.