Maxioms Pet

X
  •   24  /  24  

    Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'

Share to:

You May Also Like   /   View all maxioms

  ( comments )
  32  /  16  

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

by Clive James Found in: Humor Quotes, Laughter Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  35  /  31  

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

  ( comments )
  24  /  21  

Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh.
And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous.
By'r Lady, read more

Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh.
And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous.
By'r Lady, he is a good musician.

by William Shakespeare Found in: Humor Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  22  /  22  

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. read more

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders. - Oscar Firkins: Memoirs and Letters.

by Oscar W. Firkins Found in: Humor Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  25  /  27  

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

by Jay Leno Found in: Humor Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  24  /  30  

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

  ( comments )
  30  /  37  

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  17  /  21  

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.

by Cato The Elder Found in: Humor Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  22  /  31  

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' read more

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
Share to:
Maxioms Web Pet